Growing up two of my deepest desires were to be a mom and to be a published author. I never guessed that my journey to fulfill the first dream would end up being the catalyst for the latter. But that is exactly what happened when I got an email from Alexa a few months ago asking if I would be interested in contributing to a book on survival for women who have experienced the painful loss of a child.
This November it will be seventeen years since my husband and I looked hopefully up at the ultrasound machine only to have our worst fears confirmed. The heartbeat that we had seen going strong only a few weeks before had now stopped.
We were both heartbroken over the loss but we sincerely believed that we would go on to get pregnant again and this would be a short and very sad chapter in our lives.
I did get pregnant again. And I had another miscarriage. This cycled repeated itself two more times for a total of four miscarriages in 14 months.
During this very sad chapter of my life I desperately searched for a book that would guide me and let me know that I would survive.
I never found one.
But I did find so much kindness from women who had walked this path before me.
I remember a few weeks after our first loss my husband and I were shopping when we saw a woman with a brand new baby. My husband read my mind and put his arm around me. A woman who was in front of us saw me tear up and started to talk to me. She had several grown children but she still thought of the one baby she lost early on in pregnancy.
With that the woman with the brand new baby turned around and told me her story. She had endured several miscarriages and was feeling very blessed that she and her husband were finally able to have their baby. She let me know that it was such a tough road and she understood what I felt. She even asked me if I would be more comfortable if she went to another register.
I was blown away by the outpouring and kindness of these two women who were just waiting on line in a department store.
These two strangers were able to comfort me in a way that all my friends and family who wanted me to feel better and return to the old happy me, could not. They got it because they had walked the same path.
It is my sincere wish that Sunshine After the Storm, and all the amazing stories from the incredible women and writers that Alexa brought together, will bring some very well needed comfort to those who are faced with the profound loss of a child. I hope that those who need it will find a guide in one or more of us who have been there and can understand the pain they are feeling.
This is a book that I wish I wasn’t qualified to contribute to, but am so glad that I did.
Our book, Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mother will be available before October 15th, International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Kathy Radigan is a writer, blogger, social media addict, mom to three, wife to one, and owner of a possessed kitchen appliance. She posts a weekly essay each Sunday on her blog, mydishwasherspossessed, which she started in the fall of 2010 when her youngest child started kindergarten. Kathy also co-founded the online magazine Bonbon Break. She lives just outside New York City with her family and still finds it hysterical that the woman who didn’t even have an e-mail address three years ago is now immersed in the online world. You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+.
I felt the same way when I had my first miscarriage eleven years ago. There was no where I could go for support, and I felt like I was the only one who was “broken,” as all of my friends already had babies. Thank goodness we’re all much more willing to talk about it.
It’s so true Kathy. Broken is a great way to describe it because that is exactly how I felt and everyone in my life who loved me wanted to “fix” me. I agree it’s great that we are more willing to talk about it. I am so honored to be in the book with you. xo
It is amazing, isn’t it? It can be just a look between women, traveling the path of another woman’s eyes to a newborn and we know. We just know. So many of us have been here, felt this, needed a hand, a gentle word, a smile. I’m glad to know there is another resource for women hurting.
You are so right! It’s is amazing what a kind word or smile from a woman who knows what you are going through can do. I really hope that this book serves as that for those that unfortunately need it. Thank you. 🙂
An amazing post in every way. This book will be so helpful for so many people. Everyone reading will appreciate your honesty about such a difficult time in your life.-Ashley
Thank you so much Ashley! xo
Kathy, my husband and I went through this twice. It’s devastating. I think that being able to talk about it is such an important part of the healing process. Thank you for being part of such an amazing project. xoxo
I am so sorry you guys had to go through this. It really stinks that a book like this is needed. You are right it is so devastating. xo
Your post made me tear up — so I can’t even imagine what’s gonna happen when I read the book! You and your co-authors are so brave and gracious to share your stories to help other women in similar situations.
You’re gonna fall completely to pieces. Be warned. Keep boxes of tissues handy, as well as someone to hug.
Darcy I just read it and I wanted to cry, but I have to say Alexa put it together with so much love and tenderness and the pieces are so gorgeous that I felt uplifted at the end. I am so honored to be involved in such an amazing project. Alexa and all the other woman are so amazing! Thanks! xo
Kathy, this is fabulous. And what wonderful gestures by those women in the queue. I’m so glad they were able to be sensitive to you.
This is what I want, too – that no other woman should ever feel alone in this. So pleased to share a chapter with you 🙂 x
Me too! Love you! xo
I’m very touched by the women in line, the feelings of solidarity.
Their kindness meant so much to me! 🙂
This book will help so many people, Kathy. I wish less of us knew the feeling of needing the solidarity of others, but I’m so glad that we have one another. Congratulations!
I technically didn’t miscarry, but I had a chemical pregnancy 2 months before getting pregnant with Emma and I just remember how awful I felt right after seeing women who were pregnant or who just had babies. It was gut wrenching and I was only 4 short weeks when I thought I was pregnant and had just missed my period. I can’t even have imagined being further along, but then when I was pregnant with Lily, I was spotting at 21 weeks and my doctor wasn’t sure if I would miscarry her. Thankfully I didn’t, but still I remember what a wreck I was. Thank you Kathy for sharing what happened to you in the past and truly do hope this helps others out there that have gone through something similar, too.
I am so sorry that you and your husband had to experience such pain, but I am sure that your story will help so many! Your honesty and bravery always shines through in your writing! Blessings to you!
Kathy, your willingness to share offers so much comfort to others. I got so filled up with sorrow when I read your story, I really appreciate or your strength and courage to share. Thank you for giving of your ‘family self’. xo